Hypocritical Values

Here are three rational reasons that people act differently than their stated values.

There is often a notable disconnect between what a person claims are their values, and how they actually act on a daily basis.

While we all find it blatantly cringe when others do it, I’d wager we’d each benefit from taking a little step back to check our own consistency between stated values and demonstrated action.

Here are three reasons values can come across as hypocritical.

1. The value is aspirational.

Aspirational values are something the person wishes were true about them. To be fair, perhaps on occasion the person does exemplify the value. But day in and day out, it’s not yet the consistent case.

People don’t necessarily realize they’ve selected a value that’s aspirational. Often, they think about what they are like on their very best day, and they desire to be like that more often. They vision a future where they are that person. What it would mean for them. What it would feel like. They’re just not there yet with their behavior consistently. (Or maybe they never will be.)

2. The value is set at the collective level.

Organizations and groups often have a stated set of values, and if not, there is certainly an informal set of values in play. A condition of belonging and acceptance is that the person espouses their allegiance to those values, perhaps demonstrating them only when in the presence of group members who would hold them accountable. It’s not the individual’s personal value, so it doesn’t guide their behavior outside of the group.

A variation of this is a value that was instilled in them from their family of origin or from other authority figures when they were a child.

3. The value is used as a signal.

Many people choose to announce their values as part of their role of influence (e.g., leader or other person in a position of authority) and to signal that they are a person of integrity and depth. In this case, some values are more useful than others for conveying the desired image – depending on who you are signaling to. For example, an attorney would likely choose to announce different values than a startup founder in climate tech. The tone conveyed through their respective signals would be calibrated accordingly.

When values are used as signals, it’s not necessarily true that the individual is being disingenuous by choosing them. But the primary reason the value is chosen is to convey an image, rather than the value being the person’s true inner guidance for how they operate. Also, it may or may not be aspirational.

Is hypocrisy really so bad?

It depends on how your personal energy and reputation are impacted.

Often there is an inner tension or friction that arises from the values-behavioral mismatch. This type of incongruence always results in some personal energy loss – whether a slow, steady drain over time or something that builds in frustration.

If you have an aspirational value, for some people it could be energizing and inspiring, even if it is not yet practiced. But in that case, it could be helpful to adopt a more incremental value in the meantime – one that you are better at consistently demonstrating. If you’re nowhere near the aspirational version, then the inner tension is there and costing you energy even if you are not consciously aware of it.

Hypocritical values do pose a serious risk to reputation – both in professional and personal realms. How much your reputation matters to you in a given context is up to you. But sometimes you find out too late how much it really did matter.

Homework

Your assignment for the next week is twofold.

First, look at your own values and behavior with fresh, curious eyes. Are any (all?) of the types of hypocritical values applicable to you? If so, zero judgement. You didn’t know before so I know you were doing the best you could with the information and perspective you had. You can choose what to do going forward.

Second, put on your observational hat and see if you notice hypocritical values in others. While you won’t know for sure, you can speculate about which of the three underlying reasons might be applicable.

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Katherine ✨